


Stilettos and Broken Bottles (I'm Spinning Around in Circles)

by flamefox428



Series: Bemily Week 2018 [3]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bemily Week 2018, Day 3, Emily-centric, F/F, I AM SORRY, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Love Triangle, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 03:44:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13966629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamefox428/pseuds/flamefox428
Summary: Beca was never more beautiful than in the moment she surged up onto her tiptoes for a kiss.Emily just wished she was the one kissing her.





	Stilettos and Broken Bottles (I'm Spinning Around in Circles)

**Author's Note:**

> Jeez, like...I am sorry. This is v angsty, I don't know what happened. I've just been in a weird mood so this came out way angstier than the original plan I had for this. Don't worry though, I've got fluff in the works as well!

Emily thought that Beca Mitchell was the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

She was beautiful inside and out.

Her expressive blue eyes shone, and the first time they looked at Emily with such tender emotion, she fell in love. As the months passed, Beca and Emily grew closer, and Beca began to let Emily past those carefully constructed walls.

Emily learned about Beca’s childhood, and her parents, and about all her fears, and in turn, Beca learned about Emily’s. Emily had never felt more connected to a person before. Her mother used to warn her not to give herself away too quickly, but one look at Beca and Emily was tripping, falling, _drowning._  

To Emily, Beca was beautiful in every way. She was beautiful in the dim lights of a nightclub, her eyes wild and bright and her hair falling down her shoulders as they danced. She was beautiful in the early rays of morning light, still rough around the edges from sleep. She was beautiful with her head thrown back in a laugh, looking younger and freer than she ever had.

But Beca was never more beautiful than in the moment she surged up onto her tiptoes for a kiss.

Emily just wished she was the one kissing her.

She felt the familiar ache in her chest and lifted the bottle to her lips, taking another swig from it. It burned her throat and made her eyes water, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She coughed and let the arm holding the bottle drop into her lap. Stacie, who was sitting next to her on the couch, gave her a concerned look at mouthed something, but Emily couldn’t hear her over the blaring music.

She used to love Bella bonding nights. She was never huge on nights like tonight, where they would pregame in the living room and hit the town, but now she hated them even more. Ever since Beca and Chloe got together, it was just another reason for them to be cute and cuddly and it made Emily _ache_.

She bit the inside of her cheek and took another swig.

Amy, who had just appeared from the kitchen with two more bottles, took Emily’s nearly empty one and handed her a new one. Stacie gave her another look, but Emily waved her off and unscrewed the cap, taking another swig. Stacie gave her knee a squeeze and got up to dance with Flo and Ashley in the middle of the living room, the music still blaring. The bass thumped so loudly she could feel it in her chest, and it helped ground her for a moment.

Until her eyes found Beca again, like they always did, and she was greeted with the sight of Chloe curled up in her lap on the armchair, whispering things in her ear and giggling. Emily felt her throat burning and her eyes watering, but this time it wasn’t from the alcohol. She shook her head and turned away, losing herself in the bottle of liquor again.

She felt dizzy and warm and languid, and it was a slight challenge to keep her eyes open at that point. All at once she felt too small, and too weak, and too tired. She didn’t know how much more time passed, with her hugging the bottle to her chest as she sat on the couch, before Cynthia Rose was taking away her bottle and they were getting into ubers and entering a club downtown.

She was immediately pulled onto the dancefloor by Stacie, and she let herself be led.

They danced for a while, or maybe it was only a few minutes; Emily couldn’t really tell. All she could think of was Beca and those beautiful eyes and that beautiful smile and how she wished they were just for her. Suddenly, she felt a dizzying rush of nausea and she broke away from Stacie, mumbling something about the bathroom and taking off in that direction. 

She bent over the sink, taking slow, deep breaths as she tried to calm her churning stomach. A minute later, the nausea passed and she stood straight, looking at herself in the mirror. Why wasn’t she good enough? Why couldn’t she be good enough? She splashed some water on her face and took another deep breath.

Her vision was swimming a little and she was a little rocky on her heels, but she managed to make her way out of the bathroom, her hand trailing along the wall. She bumped into someone in the dim hallway and was about to mutter an apology when an arm wrapped itself around her waist and a pair of lips landed on her cheek.

“Hey Legacy, are you having fun?” Beca said, her eyes bright and glowing and beautiful and just about the last thing Emily wanted to see in that moment. She was sure she was looking at Beca like a deer in the headlights, but she didn’t know what to say and she could still taste the burn of liquor in the back of her throat and on her breath and Beca was so close she was drowning. 

Emily found herself dizzy again, but not because of the alcohol.

Emily looked across the dancefloor and spotted Chloe. Beca followed her eyes and smiled brightly when she caught sight of Chloe as well.

“God, she’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” Beca asked, and her voice was too soft, too tender, too full of love and all at once it was too much for Emily. She shoved Beca off her, ignoring the smaller girl’s yelp of surprise, and wove her way through the throng of people to the table where the girls were sat.

She grabbed the bottle that Amy was holding and tipped it back, feeling the amber liquid slide down her throat and burn her insides. _Why aren’t I good enough_? Emily thought and she closed her eyes against the tears slipping out.

“Emily! Hey, dude what was that?” Beca said as she appeared behind Emily. “Are you okay? You fuckin bolted like you’d seen a ghost.”

_No,_ Emily thought bitterly. _No ghost, just my worst nightmare._  

“Wait, are you…are you crying?” Beca said quietly, pulling Emily aside so they wouldn’t have an audience. “Em, what’s wrong?”

Her voice was too caring and too sweet and it was too much. Beca cupped Emily’s cheek to wipe away the tears but they only came harder at the gentle gesture and Emily wriggled in Beca’s grasp, trying to shove her away. 

“Emily,” Beca said, more sternly this time. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Emily only closed her eyes and tipped her head back and brought the bottle up to her lips again. Beca huffed in annoyance and frustration and tried to grab the bottle from Emily. Emily, who was too drunk, was caught by surprise at this sudden intrusion and dropped it, the shattering of glass too strangely silent in the rowdy club.

“Look what you did,” Emily mumbled, looking forlornly down at the bottle and feeling the droplets from the broken glass dripping down her leg.

“Emily, fucking look at me please,” Beca said, sounding almost desperate. “What’s going on with you, this isn’t like you.”

“Hey, is everything okay over here?” Chloe said gently as she joined them. She wrapped an arm loosely around Beca’s waist, too casual, too comfortable, and Emily could do nothing but stare at it. “Emily? Sweetie? You okay?”

_All she did was love her and it didn’t matter because she wasn’t enough._

Emily shook her head, feeling her throat stuff up and her heart start racing and she turned and escaped into the throng of people, making her way to the doors. She left the club, gasping in the cool air of the still night and suddenly everything was too quiet.

She didn’t know what to do and she didn’t know what to feel so she sat down on the sidewalk and she wrapped her arms around her legs and she cried.


End file.
